twelve o clocke

There is a certain breed of twenty something woman that I fear of turning into/can’t stand. They possess some or all of the following characteristics:

+Meet for cocktails after work

+Use the term “networking” in everyday conversation

+Complain that “all the good ones are gay or taken”

+”I was an English major.”

+Own trendy jogging clothes

+Describe desserts as “sinful” 

If I ever behave like this in the future, please kill me or buy me a cat. 

Synopsis of my future cooking/talk show, the brainchild of Hazel and I:

Afternoone Snack will be a cooking/talk show hosted by Gabby Noone with a target audience between the ages of 13-25.  The set will consist of an adorable retro kitchen and craft space featuring cupcakes cascading from the ceiling and a large glittering sign that says “Snack Time!”  Each episode will begin with Gabby, clad in a kickass 1950s prom dress and apron, telling the audience what delectably old-fashioned treats she will make that day, only to be interrupted by a hot young celebrity knocking at her faux kitchen door to ask for a cup of sugar. She then instructs the hot young celebrity how to make something while asking them intelligent and hard-hitting questions. Some examples:

“Wow, Robert Pattinson, I am really impressed that you are capable of peeling an apple! What is your favorite food that your mom ever made you?

“Tell me Taylor Swift, what comfort foods do you turn to when a stupid boy makes you sad?”

“Justin Bieber, get your hands off of my carving knife this instant!”